Life in the Kid's Lane

Another Spirit of Christmas

I have a Christmas tradition that includes shopping on Christmas Eve. Its not because I forget, and need to do the last minute thing (at least not for the last couple of years). It mostly has to do with the fact that I can't keep a secret, and will give out all the gifts as soon as I have purchased them. But there is part of me that intentionally leaves the "Stocking Stuffers" to the night before Christmas because I love seeing people as they shop for their last minute items.

People are generally nice, understanding, and filled with the Christmas Spirit. As was the case this year. Last night I was in blessed land of Wal Mart. The place was completely packed and I was in Heaven! I realize this is in absolute contrast to the normal Wal Mart Chronicle exploits I write about all year. But just like the rest of the world, even Wal Mart can be made beautiful during Christmas.

From the moment I walked in, it was like one of those alternative musical episodes of Scrubs, where the entire world for that moment was perfect. I walked in hugged the greeter, and she hugged me back, it was like the music from Miracle of 34th Street was playing (it might have actually been playing, it is after all Wal Mart) I twirled through the aisles with my cart, items magically falling in (that's the story I'm using to explain all the purchases). It seemed the other patrons were also moving in absolute unison with me as we weaved our way through the store looking for the items we all needed, and like Santa's workshop (dare I say better) they had everything we could have possibly needed, and a number of items we had no idea we needed. (Thank goodness they were there to help me realize this)

My magical experience continued all the way through the check out, until I asked. I asked the girl if she and her jolly elf friends would play "The Carol of the Bells" just like in the commercial where Wal Mart proclaims their gift to all of us is they will have more associates and lanes open to help us. (You've seen it right?)

Unfortunately for me, I pulled into the wrong lane, it seems that Ebony Scrooge was helping me (The cashier was a woman, so I adapted her name for the sake of the story) It seems that this was not the first time someone had actually made this request, but I guess it was the first time a customer tried to make the lights and chimes play a song. It turns out the lights don't actually chime when you turn them on, the closest to any musical notes I could get was a button on the cash register, (even then they were all the same tone) Looking back now, touching the register button which wasn't the first thing I did wrong but definitely the worst during my impromptu concert. Apparently, the Walton's don't like the idea of someone "touching their precious registers".

I know someone who works for corporate in Bentonville who is pretty important (No really I do, his wife and brother read this blog) thankfully for them the local store didn't make me pull THAT ace out of my pocket. Once they realized I was just trying to pay it forward and perpetuate another Spirit of Christmas, they let me go. I just hope that Ebony Scrooge was a seasonal employee.

Excavating

I was in Wal-Mart yesterday. And let me start by saying I live in a very nice rural town, this Wal-Mart is less than 2 years old and is surrounded by homes you could easily classify as middle to upper-class. As I was walking through thestore, I glanced over and in the McDonald's, I noticed a woman there popping a pimple on her stallions AC/DC tank-top clad shoulder. Not just scratching it off, she looked like she needed a back-hoe! Seriously? Where do these people come from.

Just goes to show you can build it like Target, dress your employees like Target, but it will never be Target.

Bum Paper

There are clear disadvantages to being the only parent anywhere with children. It gets exponentially more difficult with the more kids you have. After I went to Jamba Juice with the now hyped-up Kid #3, we had to go to Wal-Mart for some of the necessities of life. Aswe walked in, it became apparent to me that I needed to use the restroom. The problem is, I can't leave the kid out in the store, so he had to come into the stall with me. Thankfully the Handicap stall was available and so in we went. Please consider the additional energy boost he has recently consumed. As I try to finish my business, he is looking under the wall, trying to open the stall door, pulling the TP out of the dispenser, basically bouncing off the walls! The entire time, I am trying to quietly get him to stop running around, keeping him from touching the floor every time he bends over to look under the door, etc, etc, etc. It was very stressful. Finally he asks me what the exceptionally large TP dispenser is and I explain, to which he states (and by state I mean repeatedly scream / sing), "paper for your bum bum, paper for your bum bum!"

I love Jamba Juice energy boosts, Wal-Mart, Bum Paper, and Kid #3.